operation harelip BJ is a go
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
