In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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