I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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