you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The beer is more important than you right now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
