I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
