she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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