i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
