So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
