Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
