it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
