Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
