i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
