So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
