it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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