but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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