yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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