U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
