you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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