He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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