Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
