i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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