she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
