I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
