brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
