Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
