This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
