How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
