Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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