Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
