Porn is love you can see.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
