i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
