One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
