I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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