Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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