Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
