I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
