Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Screwed.edu
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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