I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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