You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
