when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have post one night stand depression
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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