he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
