His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
