so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
