Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
