I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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