I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
