ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
