I seem to have left my pride at pride
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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