I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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