One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
