omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
