I didn't shave. On purpose
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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