Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize