quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
