I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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