Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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