i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize