Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
