nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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