I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
