Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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