we're blogging at a bar
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
