I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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