I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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