Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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