im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
