In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
