Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
