would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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