So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
