I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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