:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
