am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
