I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
