I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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