dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
