His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
