apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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