I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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