dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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