I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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