It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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