No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
