Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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