For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
