I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They took my balls.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
